Shooting for the Moon with Ryan

Life in the World of Autism

I Never Thought I’d have to be THAT Kind of Parent

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IMG_2909Ryan’s second grade year is officially over. I wish I could say it was a good year. I wish there was a teacher I was sad to say goodbye to, or that Ryan thrived and grew in more ways than I could imagine. Instead it was a disappointing and stressful year. But it was also eye-opening.

This year, I came to the conclusion that somewhere along the line most parents of special needs children are going to realize that their child’s school doesn’t always have their best interests at heart. This might happen right at the beginning of the child’s school career or later on. For us, it was later on.

Up until this year, I didn’t have much trouble getting Ryan’s needs met. I smugly counted my blessings. How did he get so lucky to have the wonderful teachers and programs that were available to him? Ryan was in a K-2 self-contained classroom, which meant his major subjects, math and reading,  were taught in a small group setting. Ryan spent the rest of the day (social studies/science, related arts, lunch, recess) with his peers. This seemed to work well, especially since Ryan had sensory issues and often needed breaks from a large noisy classroom.

The problems came when Ryan’s needs changed. Suddenly, Ryan could handle the general education classroom and was actually learning along with his peers. He still needed support in the general education classroom with following directions and with his focus, but he was successful.  Ryan’s reading ability sky rocked. He started reading on a fifth grade level. He could read almost anything.

But the teachers weren’t so enthusiastic about what Ryan could do. The teachers reminded me that the comprehension part of his reading was at the second grade level. Even so, a child reading above grade level and comprehending at grade level probably needed more challenges. They also made the case that third grade was going to be an extremely challenging year. Just because he could succeed in second grade didn’t mean that he would succeed in third grade.

Ryan also started to get the hang of taking tests. He was studying for science/social studies tests at home. He was taking the tests and passing, and even got some A’s and B’s. It also became apparent that Ryan continued to lag behind on social skills and needed more interaction with his typical peers. He had no friends. When children tried to interact with Ryan, he ignored them until they went away. In conclusion, it seemed that Ryan was ready for more general education time. He needed to spend more time with his peers for social and academic reasons.

But was the school ready to give Ryan more general education time? The answer was no, basically because Ryan needed assistance in the general education classroom with following directions and staying on task. His special education teacher even said to me, “Ryan is not going to get one of my assistants in the general education classroom. Those assistants need to stay in special ed.” This teacher was not willing to let one of her assistants help Ryan in general education setting, even if it was in Ryan’s best interest.

The school was telling me that if a child needed assistance, he needed to be in the self-contained classroom. If he was more independent, he could be in the general education classroom. But they were not going to give Ryan one on one assistance in general education, even with the idea that the assistance would eventually be “faded out.”

We just assumed that Ryan would get more and more general education time as the years went on. We assumed that he’d get help from an assistant who would slowly step back as Ryan became more independent. We wanted to believe that the school district was progressive in their thinking about special education, and not stuck in the 1950’s. After all, children need to be educated in the least restrictive environment or they are breaking the law. The problem is, IDEA is worded vaguely so that a school district can interpret the meaning of the least restrictive environment to match their own outdated philosophy.

Isn’t it just natural for parents to want their children to be educated with their peers? Why should special needs children miss out on doing what the other kids are doing? Why should they be put in a room down the hall away from everyone else? It’s easier to have 4 or 5 students to an assistant than 1 student to an assistant. It’s also more cost efficient. But nobody wants to admit that a lot of decisions are based on money.

Children with special needs are so varied in the way they learn. Every child is different and needs different things in order to succeed. One size does not fit all. A program that works for one child will not work for another child. Schools need to work with parents, who usually know their child best. Instead of rolling their eyes (And believe me, I experienced this unprofessional behavior at an I.E.P. meeting!), the schools should be listening carefully.

Unfortunately, most school districts have separate special education and general education departments. They are even funded separately. Although the principal participates in I.E.P. meetings, he usually doesn’t have much interest or say in what goes on with the special education students beyond being a friendly and inviting administrator. After all, special needs students are often exempted from the yearly school wide testing. Their scores aren’t part of the scores that are published each year. If your child is in a school district whose identity is based on their superior test scores, your child’s education isn’t really a priority if they aren’t going to help elevate the scores.

In fact, some schools might actually believe that your child could harm the scores. My personal theory is that schools fear having special education students in the general education classrooms because they could distract the teacher and other students from their main mission: teaching to the test. No one should be in the classroom that could cause the teacher or students to direct any of their energy elsewhere. And what grade does testing begin to be extremely important? Third grade! The grade that Ryan isn’t supposed to succeed in because of how difficult it’s supposed to get.

Despite the fact that Ryan got an A one semester in second grade general education social studies (the subject matter or tests were not changed, Ryan just had an assistant with him), the school wanted to put Ryan in special education social studies and science in third grade. So we called an I.E.P. meeting and got an advocate to come with us. We got Ryan his social studies and science classes in the general education class next year, but we really had to push for it. The meeting was horrifying in many ways.

I know now that getting Ryan time in general education is going to continue to be a fight.We will continue to call more I.E.P. meetings and work with more advocates. Every year will be a push for what we believe will be best for our son.

I never thought I’d have to fight for anything. Being a former elementary school teacher, I never thought I’d have to be THAT kind of parent. In fact, I was determined not to be THAT kind of parent. But children with special needs come into this world already facing obstacles and challenges that most typically developing children never have to face. These children shouldn’t also have to face obstacles to their learning.

 

 

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Author: ryansmom

I'm a wife, mother, teacher, writer, and advocate of autism. I have a 7 year old son on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. I love writing about the world of autism and our families' daily adventures as we navigate through both stormy and calm waters. Writing this blog is truly therapeutic for me. I hope other families dealing with autism will read this blog and discover that they are not alone.

3 thoughts on “I Never Thought I’d have to be THAT Kind of Parent

  1. I am THAT parent also. We have to do what we need to do for our kids.

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  2. Ouch! Never feel ashamed for being your child’s advocate – he needs you! We gave up on the school system before we even entered it – my kid’s evaluation went perfectly because they put him in the best possible environment, one on one, and didn’t see what we deal with every day. We KNOW he needs help, but we got the eye-roll treatment too, and the refusal to listen to us. We know what we’re talking about! They told us he needed to fail for an extended period to get any services – I said no way, not doing that to him!

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  3. I can only imagine your frustration. If it helps (& you have an advocate) you can always tell the team/school at IEP team meetings you are willing to go through due process to get your son’s needs met. Very few systems will stand their ground in ignorance with that threat on the table.

    You also can email district level personnel and ask for an “inclusion aide”. I can email you sample paperwork for this process if needed.

    Clearly I am ashamed by proxy at your school system. That should never happen. Your son has a legal right to general Ed third grade. I hope you can get him all the non-special ed classes he deserves.

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